Miscarriage Unfiltered: My Experience Treating a Missed Miscarriage

🚨 Trigger warning & disclaimers: the purpose of this specific blog post is to discuss the process of treating and experiencing a miscarriage. I am not holding back any graphic or real details. If you are squirmy discussing blood, medical procedures, and still triggered heavily discussing period loss, I advise coming back another time. I will preemptively tell you I got through it and it was a fairly positive outcome. But, if discussing these things triggers medical/health anxiety I also advise proceeding with caution. Nothing contained in this blog post is medical advice, this is purely my personal experience. 

Let’s go…

In the blog you are currently reading, I speak about my experience moving through pregnancy loss and the physical aftermath of such. If you’re looking to hear more about my pregnancy journey and the high-level reflection of my miscarriage experience read this post.

You know, so many people create “birth story” content in the same vein — giving you all the highs and lows about the real procedures necessary to bring baby to life — and I wanted there to be a story out there for people who had to terminate early. 

I want to give you all the medical details here. And we are not holding back.

Rewind for a second: I already had a healthy heartbeat scan, so all seemed well until week 9 rolled in.

On a Sunday, I started light spotting. I wasn’t alarmed since I had heard it was very normal in your first trimester. However because the color was bright red, almost a deep purple, and contained what looked like mucus material I reported it to my Midwife. They didn’t seem worried, but when I reported that my pregnancy symptoms went away the next day… they brought me in for an ultrasound pretty quickly.

Pictured: the “9-week bloat bump”

Baby’s fetal heartbeat stopped at 9 weeks. A missed miscarriage. Which essentially means my body had not yet noticed baby had passed away and yes, I was carrying a baby without life in my body.

You’re given three options from here:

• Expectant Management: wait and see if it passes at-home method

• Medical Management: take Misoprostol (commonly known as the abortion pill) to more quickly induce everything at home

• Surgical Management: perform a D&C which is a fairly low-risk procedure of putting you under anesthesia and removing the fetal material (commonly referred to as a surgical abortion)

Because I was only measuring a day or so off, meaning there was the very low percent chance that baby was actually OK and not finding a heartbeat was a fluke, we elected expectant management and allowed my body space to see if things would pass naturally.

I waited about 10 days before I went back to my Midwife. In this period I had the same very light spotting, but no actual major activity. It was time for medicinal or surgical intervention. 

Truly those 10 days were agonizing. My body was playing tricks on me. I was carrying this unalive fetus while going through the hormonal ups and downs of pregnancy loss. Some days I felt pregnant again, my body bloated revealing the 9-week bump I’d been carrying. It was awful. In retrospect, I would’ve intervened much sooner. 3-5 days tops of this heartache.

I also felt as though I couldn’t “live my life” normally because my body could begin to naturally miscarry at any moment. On a plane ride, on a walk in the park, in a business meeting.

I elected medicinal intervention over surgical because of the lower risk that came with Misoprostol. I will emphasize that both options are safe and effective according to science, but in my opinion at the time the D&C small risk of scar tissue or perforation would be a big loss for me as we wanted to try conceiving again as soon as we could. 

I picked up the pills (two doses just in case, so 8 pills total) and went home. Thankfully, my mom flew in to town to be with me and my partner so the additional help was immensely great. I highly recommend a team of 2 people to help you, if able, but at the very least you need one. This is not something I could ever do alone, and I am impressed by the people who did it this way. 10/10 do not recommend though. 

Let’s break it all down as a timeline.

Friday at 5:00 p.m. My Midwife gave me specific instructions to take OTC pain medication and prescription anti-nausea meds 30 minutes before inserting the Misoprostol in my cheeks (we did oral, not vaginal, as it was easier to ensure the full dose was taken when done by mouth where I can see the pills).

5:30 p.m. I took the Misoprostol. This was the most emotionally taxing moment. I knew that as soon as those pills were in…everything was real. I was having a miscarriage. This fetus baby was coming out soon.

6:30 p.m. About an hour after I took the Misoprostol fully, I started feeling light cramping. It just felt like my period was coming along. I turned on a heating pad and relaxed on the couch. I should note I was wearing a “heavy” pad and had my dog’s potty pads on the couch to prevent leaking.

9:00 p.m. The cramping got a bit strong and the nausea came on really hard. I was allowed to take nausea medication every 4 hours so I went for it and took another. Relief came pretty instantly, thankfully. For pain, I couldn’t yet start on another set so I used my heating pad. A miracle device and it was super cheap at CVS.

11:00 p.m. Now a little over 5 hours, the real bleeding started. My doctor advised that if bleeding didn’t start by hour 6, I’d need the second dose. I’m glad that was not the case. We came close.

The first thing I “dropped” was a quarter sized blood clot that very clearly had what is medically referred to as products of conception: the fetus, placenta, and any other tissue that developed in the uterus as a result of pregnancy. My doctor advised that this material could have a grayish color — and that’s exactly what it looked like through the blood clots. This was not yet the main activity (fetus and placenta) but it was “something.”

I continued the rest of the evening bleeding heavily but nothing alarming or worse than a heavy period. Pain was also quite minimal, and aside from the Advil + Tylenol combo I was doing breath work to keep the pain at bay. I highly advise finding an app, playlist or YouTube channel of choice to help you through breathing and relaxation techniques. It was so helpful for me. 

A little after midnight, now 6+ hours later, I started feeling pain that didn’t feel just like period cramps. I haven’t been in labor yet but I assume this is what contractions feel like. The pain was strong and I felt this intense pressure in my uterus area. I started using breath work to “push.” I wanted to pass the fetal material as much and as quickly as possible. I felt in many ways empowered by this physical process of laboring. I breathed through it and put full trust in body that it would do the right thing.

After some time pushing, I felt an incredibly strong sensation of something heavier than normal coming down. More clots. The pain was only about 6/10 thanks to the pain medication and the breath work magic. I decided to lie down and try to sleep knowing I might wake up later to pass the main fetal material and inevitable blood gushes that I was told are part of the process. It also helped that I would have the heating pad while lying down.

Around 1:00 a.m. I could feel a gushing blood sensation (now about 8 hours from the time I took Misoprostol). I began to stand up and make my way to the bathroom. Before I made it to the toilet, I felt something heavy completely drop into my pad. Maybe it was the shock, maybe it was my pain management, but I felt zero pain as this moved through my uterus. I looked down into my pad — also completely soaked with blood — and there it was.

A large, lemon-sized ball of gunk and blood that closely resembled a fetus. I didn’t expect that it would look SO distinctive, and it’s not the case for everyone, but it was for me. If I compared the picture of this material to the last ultrasound, they were one in the same shape. It came out in tact.

Because I was left in a silent, state of shock, my partner and my mom grabbed the material and did what they needed to do. Yes, this is the time you have to “dispose” of the fetus yourself. The thing nobody tells you so I’m being real with you to prepare for that in case it happens to you. If I wasn’t sure whether that was fetal material or not, my partner’s emotional reaction confirmed it.

That was the baby we were so excited to one day bring earth-side.

Whether you experience this as a result of miscarriage or elective abortion due to unplanned pregnancy, both can take an incredibly emotional on your body. As I write this and remember it so vividly, I know I have to continue to seek mental health support to truly move past this horrid visual from my mind.

Around 1:30 a.m. I go back to lie down hoping that was over and I can finally rest for the remainder of time. Pain did get a bit worse now so I turned the heating pad up to max and took another dose of pain medication as the time came.

I was advised that if I filled 2 pads within an hour for multiple hours, or if I passed multiple blood clots larger than a golf ball, this would be the time to call the 24/7 nurse line and possibly go to the ER. Soon after lying down, I ran to the bathroom with the urge to pee and push again. When I went, I noticed my overnight pad was soaked through and I had completely filled the toilet with so much blood that I had to flush twice for it to all go away.

There was truly, so much blood throughout this experience and I can’t emphasize it enough. This is something to mentally prepare for or coach your support folks through so you don’t look at it but have someone who will alert you if it’s time to go to the ER. After a point, I told my partner and mom that I couldn’t look as it was traumatizing me so I had them check for extreme blood loss and heavy clots on the toilet for me.

2 a.m. Back to the toilet with the same sensation and I passed two more lemon-side blood clots. I watched them leave my body and the sound of it “plopping” into the toilet bowl is one I’ll never forget. At this point I’m thinking, what the heck is that at this point? I know I wasn’t carrying twins but it nearly felt that way with how exact each of these large clot passings felt. 

Now I started to get slightly lightheaded so I followed the instructions and called the nurse. I drank a large bottle of coconut water at this point which really helped to keep me hydrated and lightheadedness passed shortly after.

Because of the hours that passed without the extreme bleeding stopping, the nurse said it’s time to go to the ER “just to be safe.” I wasn’t very nervous as I knew that in a hospital setting I’d get the help I needed no matter what. I have to thank the Presbyterian St. Luke's Emergency Room in Denver because it was truly such a lovely experience. Everyone was so kind and attentive. Make sure to have a contingency plan in place by researching the best rated emergency room closest to you. We had a few options and the reviews took us here. Reviews didn’t lie. Having this welcoming environment will be useful in an emotional experience like this. 

3 a.m. At the ER they did a few blood, imaging and physical tests. The pelvic exam revealed I had a large chunk of fetal material “stuck” at the cervix which the doctor easily and painlessly removed from me. The explanation was that your uterus will use blood and contractions to “force” the material out of your body so if something is “stuck” it’s why you may have extreme bleeding. He also kept emphasizing that I was moving through what should be a painful experience (physically and emotionally) with a lot of strength. And because I was in “fix the crisis” mode and showed little to no emotion, he also kept reminding me that it’s ok to not be ok. And I could feel the feelings if I needed to. Hearing this helped.

4 a.m. I received the results of the ultrasound which revealed I still had a significant amount of “products of conception”

so my diagnosis changed from missed miscarriage to incomplete miscarriage.

If you are not familiar, this means that the body didn’t fully pass the miscarriage which leaves you vulnerable to life-threatening infections and blood loss. At this point, you can wait and see if it’ll pass on its own (I told you, lots of waiting) or get taken to an emergency D&C to “finish” the miscarriage with surgery. The doctor recommended a bag of hydration fluids for the blood loss and I remained under medical watch for a few hours to make my decision.

6 a.m. I had fallen asleep in the ER and went to the bathroom to pass a few more blood clots. By now, they had reduced to golf-sized which was a good sign. The bleeding was starting to lighten. Because of this, I chose to again wait-and-see if things passed on their own. The doctor also suggested I go home since bleeding was stabilized, but to return if the heavy bleeding and cramping came back. Or, if I had a fever which meant a dreaded infection was looming.

We finally make it to Saturday, the next day.

I spent the entire day physically recovering. Napping, hydrating, binge watching TV, eating lots of spinach to recover from blood loss. I think spending the entire day in bed was a reason I actually saw little to on bleeding. I truly just assumed it was over at this point.

And then came Sunday.

The day started off in good spirits. My grief kept me in the same clothes for about 4 days, no shower, no self-care (something which is very important to me), and for the first time I started to change things around. I took a shower, did light makeup, and was off with my mom and partner to have celebratory brunch.

For the first time, I encountered a trigger. The fucking bread jam. I stared at it for what felt like an eternity. Remembering what I saw in the toilet, on my pads. The visuals truly shocked me and are something I have to go back and work through. There was so much blood. And eventually I took a big ol’ bite of my gluten-free bread into the jam and cut that visual out of my mind. I was safe again.

I thought that I might be OK so I took the day to run errands and do groceries with my mom. A few hours in, I started to get extremely heavy cramping and lightheadedness. I felt like I was going to pass out. I took Advil and lied down at home. Bleeding came back.

The clots were pretty heavy, but I wasn’t filling up a pad in any way that felt dangerous. I assumed these were those leftover “products of conception” the doctor talked about. Could it be naturally passing?

Now we’re at Monday morning.

I had already taken 2 weeks off work and I wanted normalcy. I took the day to catch up and produce content. Back on my feet again for hours, the same levels of pain and bleeding returned. And then it got worse, much worse. I bled the same amount I did overnight on Saturday, right before my ER visit. I called a friend and she drove me there while Justin was at work.

Same routine. Blood, imaging, pelvic exam. What the ultrasound revealed was good news and bad news: good news is my hormone levels were getting closer to zero — this meant my body was recognizing I was no longer pregnant — and my endometrium had shed from 14 mm to 6 mm, this was a natural process of emptying the uterus that was working well. But I still had products of conception in there. It was time to make decisions. Do I try another round of Misoprostol or get the D&C the next morning?

And as I stood up from the exams to think and use the bathroom…boom. A lemon-sized blood clot passes. Immediately after that I actually felt relief. Could this be the last pieces that were remaining? This was after my ultrasound so we couldn’t know for sure until my follow-up a few days later. The doctor again stabilized the bleeding and sent me home.

At this point I was eager for it all to be over and the feeling that it wasn’t was killing me. It had been on this journey for almost 3 weeks now. I should be at my 12-week appointment, not dealing with all of this. I cried and cried about the anxiety of wanting this to be over.

The game of time was the real endurance challenge no one told me about.

Fast forward to Wednesday and I had my follow-up midwife appointment which would clear me from the experience and clear me to fly to one of my best friends’ weddings the next day. I was more nervous about this appointment than my first pregnancy one.

And finally, the news I needed: you’ve passed all your products of conception.

It’s finally over.

I cried in my Midwife’s office of relief. I walked to the car and cried some more. I sat in the car and cried even more. This chapter of my life is coming to a close. I could finally go back to grieving the loss of the first child I carried.

To wrap up the medical things, I’ve spent the weeks that followed spotting and lightly bleeding brown (aka “old”) blood. The ultrasound had revealed I still had leftover blood to pass so this is normal.

For the first week after the medication, I should also have prioritized bed rest and minimal movement on my feet. The days I did “more” were the days I bled more and started lightly cramping. Advil was always in my purse to save the day.

And now with every bathroom wipe as the tint of blood fades away, I can feel this experience moving further and further away from me.

I will never not feel sad about this loss, but I sure as heck feel even more powerful than I ever have from this experience.

If you or a loved one are experiencing miscarriage, my heart is with you. I hope that this story supports you wherever you are in your journey. To read my pregnancy story and miscarriage reflection, go here.